Lesson #36- Verbal Ability is Overrated and Our Little Girl Will Be Worth It

Months ago, Liam said his first two words very clearly.  They were "on" and "off." It was one of those moments, the kind you will never forget.  I remember it well- we were in his room and he was playing with the remote that controls the lamps, and when I turned them on, he said, "ON." And when I turned them off, he said... well, you get the idea.

He hasn't said much since.  Not clearly anyway.  And he turned 17 months old two days ago.

The other day I googled "Language Delays in Toddlers".  I was alone at the computer, Liam was asleep and Ryan was at work.  It was no coincidence that I was alone- I am a little embarrassed at my overreaction, but when it comes to Liam, I would rather be laughed at and embarrassed than risk not being on top of what's best for that little guy, so, I googled "Language Delays in Toddlers."

The many, many links that popped up included checklist after checklist.  Here is an example of one from www.babycenter.com :  "Warning Signs of Speech Delays in Toddlers"

12 to 18 months

at 12 months, doesn't use gestures such as waving or shaking her head by 12 months, isn't practicing using at least a couple of consonants (p, b, etc.) by 12 months, isn't somehow communicating to you when she needs help with something at 15 months, doesn't understand and respond to words such as "no" and "bye-bye" by 15 months, can't say at least one to three words by 15 months, doesn't say "mama" or "dada" at 16 months, doesn't point to body parts when asked at 18 months, isn't saying at least 15 words

This made me feel a lot better.  I'll tell you why.  

• Liam has been waving and blowing kisses since he was about 5 months old.  Actually I suspect he was blowing kisses in the womb.
• He has been saying "d" consonant sounds since before he was 9 months old.
• While I wish he would say, "Mommy, please help me with ______________", he does say, "Eh, eh, eh" over and over until I help him out, so I guess that means he is "communicating to you (me) when he needs help with something."
• I am sure that he understands when I say "no" to him- but I am just as sure that he ignores it anyway :)  
• In addition to the "on" and "off" that I mentioned earlier, he does have other words now.  He says "Dada" and "Mama" and "Woof" and "Thanks".  But the one I am most proud of is his recent new word.... "Cheers"!  Now of course, these aren't particularly clear, but we know what he means.
• (see above bullet point)
• He's been pointing to body parts most of his life.  His favorite new one is his penis.  He knows where it is, what it's called and as of now, believes it's main function is to entertain him by pushing in on the tip of it whenever he is naked.  He's a guy.  What are you gonna do?  Speaking of body parts, he also knows fingers, tummy, hair, head, ears and nose.  But only other people's noses, he hasn't quite figured out where his own is.  He has it confused with his ear.  But still, the kid is anatomically smart.
• We have one more month to worry about the last bulleted warning sign.

So you can understand why this made me feel better.  It went on to suggest that reading is by far the best way to encourage language development.   Sometimes we ask friends to join us for reading time, like Reid Scholtes, 5 1/2 months Liam's junior who says a few words himself.    

But sometimes, reading is just a thing best done alone.

A couple of days after the googling incident, Ryan and I attended a friend's wedding.  There was a pediatrician at the table.  I would like to tell you that I ignored her profession, did not pester her regarding toddler language delay and stuck to subjects like the bridesmaids' dresses and the weather.  But I didn't.

Happily, she confirmed what the checklist had already told me.  Liam is fine.  His language is fine.  And soon, probably very soon, he will wake up and just start talking non stop.

The next day, he said "Cheers" for the first time!  Good boy.  Verbal ability IS overrated.  Lesson well learned.

PS:  I promised myself when I started this blog that it would be authentic, no matter what.  So now I feel like I should include the details of the pregnancy with Lily as well.  In a nutshell, here it is.

Weeks 1-20 

- Included nausea without vomiting, moodiness so bad that I am just grateful Ryan didn't leave and only return when I promised to stop crying, and a shocking lack of cravings except for macaroni and cheese (but probably only because it was one of the few things I could eat that didn't make me feel sick).

- A 3 pound weight gain, the only benefit of no cravings

- Flutterings beginning around week 14, with major "kicks" around week 16.

- And, of course, daily feelings of gratitude and blessing that our little girl was cooking along just fine and a sigh of relief after every test and ultrasound that confirmed that.

Week 20, day 5

- My world changed when my sister, Emily, suggested that I give up milk in the morning on an empty stomach, thinking that what I was feeling was lactose intolerance.  The thought of waking up the next  (and perhaps every) day without my daily skim milk fix worried me but I figured what the hell, it might help.  And it did!  I haven't been sick since.  And I even have tested the theory with an occasional glass in the late afternoon on a full stomach without any side effects.  Thanks Em!

Weeks 20-25 (current)

- One more pound gained (still very good they tell me), although my growing belly by the day is going to make that trend impossible to continue.

- Kicks that Ryan can feel by putting his hand on my belly.

- An old symptom from my first pregnancy has reared its ugly head again- carpel tunnel syndrome.  That's right everyone, the numb hands are back, especially when I sleep.  But so far, it's not too bad.  Just annoying.  And Ryan is probably annoyed when my shaking of my hands in the middle of the night wakes him up :)

- A new, not so fun symptom has begun.  Apparently, Lily is choosing to hang out in the lower part of my uterus, putting a lot of pressure on my pelvis.  I wake up in the morning feeling like I've ridden the frickin' Tour de France (and I'm no Lance Armstrong)!  It's particularly bad while I sleep (so I don't very well), when I first wake up and if I've been walking or sitting too long.

But even though it's been a little rough this time around, I feel bad complaining.  I am blessed.  I am healthy.  Liam and Lola and Ryan are healthy.  And Lily is healthy.  That's all that matters.  

So while the rest of the country is focused on the Elections on Tuesday, November 6th, we will be meeting our little girl.  Scheduled C-Section at 12:30 PM already on the books.  And I know that our little girl will be worth it.  Lesson well learned.

Lesson #35- What's in a Name?

First things first, it's a girl!  Officially.  100%, no silly 95% anymore... it's a girl.  This picture was clearly taken when we had the "95%" bet.  Her name will be Lillian Louise Flurry ("Lily" for short).  I must have a thing for "L" names with 4 letters.  

Lillian was Ryan's maternal grandmother's name, although she went by "Geneva". Apparently she chose Geneva because she hated Lillian.  Oops.  It's the thought that counts, right?  

My memories of Geneva are few but special.  She had a beautiful smile.  She gave great hugs.  She was a teacher and spoke to me the first time I met her about teaching in a one-room schoolhouse.  In fact, St. Joe is peppered with former students of hers still.  She was an incredible mother to Becky, Nancy and Marcia and instilled in them a love of family and a sense of community.  The three sisters have been wonderful additions to my life, especially Becky, the best mother-in-law I could ask for.  

Geneva was the matriarch, the queen bee, the one that led the way with grace and sass.  

Speaking of sass, my favorite memory of Geneva was when we were waiting for Ryan to pass by in the annual tractor parade.  I had just returned from a trip to Fiji, New Zealand and Australia and I was telling the group about it.  Jeremiah was there, just a newborn, and Becky, Jenny and Jodi.  We were waiting in the Dairy Queen parking lot and I was talking a mile a minute.  I remember being excited telling Geneva about it, who smiled and nodded as if she really cared.  Then, after awhile, she looked me in the eye and said, "Annie, shut up."

Huh?

Jodi was appalled.  Becky was embarrassed.  I was shocked.  And then I laughed and, of course, shut up.

Everyone who heard the story agreed that I was officially in Geneva's good graces.  Apparently, she saved all sass for family members.

Lillian Geneva passed away just two weeks before Ryan proposed to me.  He mentioned on our engagement trip that he wished he had told her his plans to propose; that he wished she knew that I would become a member of their family.   But I think she knew.  I think she, like my own grandma Weezie as well as our fathers Dolph and John, had a deliberate hand in it.

Lily's middle name "Louise" is in honor of my maternal grandmother, Louise "Weezie" Yax, the most beautiful woman I have ever known, inside and out.  Weezie was an everyday part of my life growing up; we were lucky to see her several times a week throughout our lives.  She and my grandpa Buddy lived just a few miles from us, and we would visit them all of the time.  

Weezie always smelled good, like flowers and love.  She never had a gray hair on her head and she had incredibly soft hands.  She carried her lipstick around in a little case with a mirror and reapplied often.  And she could color better than anyone I knew.  

Weezie taught me about faith- in God, in family and in humankind.  She tolerated no unkindness and showed only patience and love. 

And perhaps most importantly, she raised her four children that way, my mom being one of them.  The one who raised me with the same faith and kindness, patience and love.  Mom and Weezie were two peas in a pod and each other's best friends.

In fact, my mom's middle name is Louise.  And my sister Amy's middle name is Louise. Even Lola, my dog's middle name is Louise. And my Uncle Bob just reminded me that my dad's grandmother was Louise "Lou" Anderson Heidersbach. So choosing that for Lily's middle name seemed fitting.  It honors all of the women in my life who I adore, the ones who have taught me so much and who I know will teach Lily just as much about faith and kindness, patience and love.

My sweet Weezie died in February of 2007.  She passed away in the last house she lived in- the same one we live in now.  She passed away quietly and peacefully in her bedroom- the same one that Liam sleeps in now.  I believe that she looks over him every night as he dreams about all of his ancestors that he will never meet but who influence his life every day in quiet ways and through those still here to make sure their lessons live on.

I wish that Lillian Louise could have many more names, named after the women in my life who I love, who have loved me.  Named for the women in my family and those who would be blood-related if I had my choice.  I would name her...

Lillian Louise Patricia Amy Rebecca Dorothy Margaret Anita Marilyn Pamela Rosemary Shannon Jodi Marcia Nancy Cathy Stacey Jessica Jenny Sarah Carol Kristin Emily Alison Thu Maya and so on....

But that would be crazy.  And it wouldn't fit on standard forms.  

What's in a name?  A lot.  Lesson well learned.