Lesson #44: Just Breathe

First "official" family photo on November 7, 2012

Lily is 4 months old today and so it makes sense that I should finally write about her birth!  The past 4 months have been a whirlwind of highs and lows (mostly highs), the holidays, bottle boot camp,  Liam's second birthday party and fantastic winter fun.  I went back to work a few weeks ago and while it is always good to see my students and return to a job I love, I  really miss being at home with the kids.  "The kids" is still freaky to say, much less put in print!  Yes, we have "kids" with an "s".  Yikes!

Leaving for the hospital

Lily's birth was calmer than Liam's nearly two years ago.  It was scheduled.  I knew what was going to happen; I knew what to expect.  We were to report early in the morning.  This time I could shower right before.  This time I wasn't scared, just excited.  This time we were having a little girl.

Reporting to the hospital at 5:30am

We spent some time in the pre-op room and were visited by our OBGYN, the wonderful Dr. Cristine Carraker.  I love this woman.  She's a spitfire, and someone I completely trust.  She had her only daughter at age 40 and so I feel like she really understands me.  

Right before surgery with Dr. C.

Grandma Becky was home taking care of Liam (still asleep at this point), but Mimi came to the hospital for the birth.  We told her she didn't have to, but I was secretly very happy to have Mom there.  It made me feel better just knowing she was near.  It doesn't matter how old you get, sometimes you just need your mom.

A mother's support

They wheeled me into the operating room and began to give me the epidural.  The doctor watched as a resident put the needle in and explained that I would soon be feeling it.  I didn't.  I told him I didn't.  He told me to give it some more time, and I did.  But it still didn't work.  The third try did the trick.

By the time Ryan arrived, looking adorable as ever in his scrubs, I couldn't feel anything below my chest. But I could feel plenty above it... anxious, excited, extreme cold to mention only a few.  They prepared for my chills by putting warming blankets on me and even blew warm air through a tube underneath the blankets.  It helped.

 

Dr. Cariker arrived and we were ready to roll.  She got on her little stepstool (she's a short little thing) and began the surgery.  I felt very well cared for.  They even brought in a monitor for my heart and  a crash cart as well since I had that very strange heart episode earlier this fall.  I kept looking at the clock, and at Ryan, and listening for the signs that she was out.  Instead, I heard about the types of coffee that Dr. Cariker and her colleague had that morning on their way to work and the new dog that her colleague was getting later that week.  It was kind of cool actually, that they felt comfortable enough to discuss the daily things. 

Coffee talk ceased when Lily was ready to come out.  Dr. C. said, "We're getting close."  Ryan squeezed my hand and I looked at the clock. It was 8:00am. 

And then our world changed.   Again.

I heard, Dr. Cariker said, "Whoa... she's a big girl!  Look at that!  I bet she's a 10 pounder!"  I laughed and began tearing up and strained to see her.  Then I heard her cry.  And I cried too.

They rounded it up to 9 pounds, 9 ounces.

Ryan left to go with Lily to the nursery and watch her get her first bath while they finished the surgery.  I got the shakes again, but I didn't care.  I knew that I had just given birth to a beautifully big, healthy girl, and that it was the last time I would experience this feeling.  I really wanted to soak up every feeling I was having; to be truly present in the moment and enjoy all that it offered.

Next, they wheeled me to Recovery and Ryan and Lily met me there.  She took like a natural to nursing and we spent the next couple of hours just being together.

 



First photo with Daddy in recovery room. 



Me and my little girl

When we arrived in our hospital room it was about 10:30am, but it felt like midnight.  Still, I was really excited for the visitors that I knew would arrive shortly.  And boy did they!  It was beautiful to see all of the people who love us and in turn, our daughter. 

First of course, were some very happy and proud grandparents...

Grandma Becky holds her fifth grandbaby in her arms

Mimi and Papa look perfect with little Lily

And then came all of the special people in our life...

The Lukas ladies were some of the first to arrive!

I think these two are going to be good friends

Rosemary's got the touch

Proud Marilyn "Franny" and Ron "Fruncle"



My brother Matt getting a snuggle



I can remember when Leah was this tiny!  She's a senior now!

Aunt Pammy and Mimi and Lily... Yax women rock!

Aunty Cathy looks right at home with a baby girl!

The Stoddards brought lots of great gifts and lots of love

As wonderful as it was to see everybody, my favorite visitor had yet to arrive.  Liam was coming to meet his little sister after naptime and I couldn't wait!  He had spent months patting my belly, smiling when we mentioned her name, and sat through countless talks at bedtime about sharing and loving little Lily when she arrived.

From the moment he stepped in the room and saw Lily, he loved her.  We could just tell.  He smiled and held her hand and tried to hold her.  He was hesitant at first, but that's to be expected. And now he proudly shows her off to anyone who is around :)

As much as I knew that Liam would instantly fall in love with his baby sister, I hoped it would be the same with the three Flurry cousins.  I figured that Benjamin would love her, as he always asked about how I was feeling when I was pregnant and if I thought Lily would like Star Wars.  He's such a sweetheart.  Dominic is our jokester.  When I was pregnant, Dominic is the one that said oh-so-dryly, "Annie, you're getting really fat." And then he would laugh and laugh!  I figured Dom would be cool with her as well.  I was right.  They were adorable...

Benjamin, as the oldest cousin, is a pro at holding babies.

Dominic even wrote Lily a letter!

But to be honest, Jeremiah was the one I was worried about.  For months, Jodi warned me that we should avoid bringing up the gender of Baby Flurry in front of Jeremiah because he really didn't want it to be a girl.  So I practiced my neutral pronouns ("Yes, Jeremiah I am excited for it to arrive" for example).  We all knew that eventually Jeb would get on board the girl train, but we wanted to ease him into it.  Jodi's concerns were certainly warranted; Jeremiah was less than happy... just look at his face.  

Not even Ryan could convince him

"I'm not sure about this one," he's thinking.

I am happy to report that within days (it might have been hours), Jeremiah came around.  And by the time she came home from the hospital he was hugging her and holding her and kissing on her.  She has him wrapped around her tiny finger ever since and it is absolutely adorable to watch him with her.

Did I mention how Shannon and Jodi took to her?  I picture Lily in the future calling up her aunts to cry about how mean I'm being to her and how I just don't understand what she's going through.  They will listen and maybe take her for some ice cream or for coffee or something, and she will always know that they love her.

The rest of the day is a blur of feedings, laughter, tears, occasional pain (and subsequent self-medication dosage), and cake-eating.  Mimi brought a very special birthday cake for Lily.

Daddy John and Lily share the same birthday.
 

Papa and the boys enjoyed the cake

Later, it was time to get some exercise and walk off the cake...

One of my favorite photos of the day- Ryan and the boys

That evening after all the guests had left, Lily went to the nursery and they brought her every three hours to eat.  She was a good eater when she was able to stay awake.  By morning though, we both needed a nap.

Like mother, like daughter

By the next day the Presidential election was over (yes, Obama won), I was able to get out of bed and take a shower,  and it was Sporting KC's playoff game.  A recent fan, Ryan had made a very important purchase prior to Lily's birth.  

I love how he put the pink socks on her to make it more girly

Sporting KC nerds

Dressed in our new duds, we kept busy with more visits from our loved ones.

Pam shows her off to Uncle Tony

Liam giving high fives

Matt and Jessica Bryon meet our wee one

It was great to see everyone again, but I was really most excited for my sister Amy to arrive.  It's almost as if events in my life aren't quite real until Amy is there to share in it.  And then she arrived, appropriately loving on Liam (her little monkey) as much as her new little niece.  

Look of love

"You're not a little monkey- you're a BIG monkey!"

We spent the rest of the day just enjoying Liam's interaction with Lily.

Tiny little binkie

I got this, Dad.

I'm taking her on a walk.  Later guys.

Ryan and his little monkeys.

Amy shows off her latest purchases.

Sleeping beauty.

After another good night of feedings, Thursday morning Ryan went to work for awhile and Amy came by for some one-on-one time (well, one-on-one and a munchkin time).  We took some photos of one another with the peanut, including the traditional self-photos. Then, the photographer from Bella Baby came by to snap some shots of Lily as well.  They turned out great and we used a couple of them for her birth announcement too.

Cheeks Magoo.

Mommy and Lily

The inevitable self photo

She was perfect for the photographer, even
if she put her in a Moses basket.

I love this hat.

This is my favorite picture of the two of them.

I should mention here that it was Thursday night by this time, we were being discharged in the morning, and I was feeling great.  I mean, it was still a kind of "I feel great for having just had a C-section" kind of great, but all in all I was doing really well.  

I could not wait to get home and get started living as a family of four (and Lola of course).

Friday morning arrived and we started packing.  I had showered, Amy and Mimi and Papa were there helping, and we had begun the long process of being discharged from the hospital.  We had said our goodbyes to the nurses (who I cannot say enough good things about), signed a bunch of paperwork, and were now given the final thumbs up to go.  

Just then when I got up from the bed, just like I had done countless times before in the past few days, I felt wet.  As if I had spilled water on my lap or something.  Wearing black I couldn't tell right away, but my incision had opened up and a large fluid pocket underneath the incision had begun to ooze.  

The nurse was called back in, checked the incision and made the difficult but correct decision to pull the discharge and get a doctor up to see me.  

That took four hours.  Four hours just for the doctor to arrive.

She determined that the oozing was significant and called for a consult from the Wound Care Clinic.  That took another hour.

The Wound Care nurse told us that we would need to pack the wound this weekend and come to the WCC on Monday.  I was devastated.  It was not the way I had hoped to leave the hospital and my spirits were really low.  The saga of the wound's eventual healing is a long and somewhat interesting one, but I will save that for a later post.  

Point is, we could finally leave.  It was 5pm on Friday, November 9th.  Here is the final hospital picture of us right before we left.

Exhausted, but happy to be heading home.

Ryan packed Lily up and it wasn't nearly as difficult as with Liam, when we had no idea really what we were doing.

Peek a boo

We brought our baby girl home on a crisp fall day and set her amidst the mums and the falling leaves.  Liam came out to greet her and we took the first picture of our children, side by side at home. 

And I looked at them, took a deep breath in, and then exhaled.  Because I knew that this was my family now;  it is perfect.  

Even as I finish this post, I am purposefully breathing slowly, in and out, taking it all in, acutely aware of fleeting time and reminded to not waste a moment.  My daughter taught me that.

Lesson well learned.