Lesson #18 "Those That Have Gone Are Still Within Us"

I can't not post today.  I have to write about my dad, John Austin Heidersbach, who passed away four years ago today.  In some ways it feels like a lifetime ago- since that day I have regained the love of my life, have married him and had a son with him.  Other times, though, I feel as if it was just yesterday that I was in the hospital waiting room after being asked to leave while they "worked" on my dad.  That is how I feel today. 

I can still see Dad's face as I left the room, a small smile of reassurance passed my way because he always knew I was a worrier and he knew that Amy, the one person I needed to be there, was far away.  I can still feel my mom's hand in my own, warm and comforting, sending me back to the days of my childhood after scrapes and hurt feelings and broken hearts when she was the only one who could make me feel better.  And I can still hear Marilyn's beautiful voice while she next to me in the waiting room- this special woman in my life who met me in the middle of the night in order to support me through what was the roughest time I had known.  Finally, I remember Daddy Don, my rock, steady and true, providing hugs when needed and safe silence when talking seemed trivial.

The details of the next few hours are muddled, but the moment they called us back in the room I knew something had changed.  And while I held Dad's hand for the last time, he looked calm.  He looked peaceful.  And he released a final breath with the intention of a good man saying goodbye to all those he loved, and with the wisdom of someone who stood on the edge of two worlds and who could see that the next one held all that it had promised. 

Afterwards, the details are once again lost.  There was crying.  There was the worst phone call I ever had to make- telling my sister that our Dad was gone.  There was fatigue.  There was grief.  There was the looking through photos, planning the service, choosing the music, packing his apartment, and on and on.

Eventually Amy and I decided to take Dad's ashes to Paris and to take the trip he never could.  We walked from cafe to cafe, from museum to museum, seeing it all through Dad's eyes.  We saw works of art that would have astounded him.  We walked the city streets and thought of him, spoke about him and toasted to him.  It was as if being together made it better... and after that, it became a little easier each day.

So now, four years later, Amy and I are both married to wonderful men and are living the lives Dad dreamed for us.  Dad is in our daily lives, in small ways.  My classroom and home have his paintings on their walls.  Amy and I speak of him all the time, whenever we hear a song that reminds us of him .  We share memories without tears now and they comfort us.  He is all around us.

And little Liam John, my son, reminds me of him every day.  Those that have gone, are still within us.  Lesson well learned.

Lesson #17 "It's Fall, Y'All"

Fall has always been my favorite season.  My family would probably say it's because my birthday is in October and let's face it, I love a good party.  Or maybe my love for all things autumn has something to do with the fact that our house looks best this time of year- the oranges and reds and yellows just fit, you know?  Perhaps these used to be the reason for the love of the season, but not anymore.  

It's official.  I love fall because there is so much fun to be had with Liam! Some of the many reasons are..

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Pumpkin patches with cousins, aunts, uncles, Grandma and fun Aunt Marcia makes for good times and fantastic photo opps. 

Fall is the best time ever for hats.  And while I can still control his clothing options, I am going to accessorize the heck out of the little guy.

It's cool enough to take him out on walks and adventures without us all melting into a puddle, but not cold enough to freeze. We have been enjoying lots of time outside in parks, in our backyard, and even in our front yard by our new tree that Daddy planted.

It's also a great time to head to the Farmer's Market with cousin Jeremiah!



Fun time of year for weenie roasts at Grandma's house!

S'mores (minus the chocolate and marshmallows)!

And it the best time to dress up like a goofy cow and visit Mommy and her students at the annual Writer's Walk.  Liam was there for 3 hours, had a bottle, took a nap in my (and Jenny's) arms, and still managed to charm the pants off of fellow teachers and even our principal, Dr. McLean.  Benjamin and Dominic came too to enjoy the fun!

Yes, it's fall, y'all!  Lesson well learned.

Lesson #16 'It's Fun to be a Goofball"

Not a ton to write about these days- just that in general, my son is a giant goofball!  Apparently it is a term I use frequently.  Just the other night, I was babysitting my gorgeous nephews, Dominic and Benjamin, and I looked at Dom and said, "You're a goofball."

He got very quiet, came up and sat in my lap on the futon and whispered, "No, you're a goofball."  Then he giggled hysterically. 

"No, Dominic, you're a goofball." I would say to him in a whisper (apparently it is funnier when you say it that way).

"No, Annie, you're a goofball," he responded.  This went on for a full 5 minutes until I realized it was past their bedtime.  As I turned off the light later that night, I said, "Goodnight sweethearts."

Dominic replied, "Goodnight goofball."

Okay, so maybe I overuse the word, but in terms of my son, there is no other way to describe him some days.  Cases in point...

At Vivienne Scarlett Lillian Lukas' 2nd birthday party the other day, Liam was far more interested in making everyone laugh than he was in the bubble machine outside.  My favorite is the 3rd one where he is demonstrating his dance moves.

Ryan and I took him to the Plaza Art Fair, and he was an angel, even feigning interest in the art work with his Daddy.

But then the comic came out and he decided that he wanted to show us his "hippy" side- a real "tree hugger"!

I think a lot of it is for attention (shocker) and more specifically, the attention of the ladies.  Just the other day, Becky said that while he should have gone to sleep while in Babies R Us and instead he spent the whole time flirting with the various women he would encounter.  Didn't sleep until alone in the back seat on the way home, exhausted from all of the flirting I assume.  It must be those baby blues.

Mimi brought him to school the other day, which I loved.  And he was hysterical!  He flirted with the girls in my class (like Skylar below), but even got the angst-ridden boys to laugh with him.

Liam's silliness has seeped into his picture taking as well.  He has stopped really smiling for the camera.  Instead, every time he see one, he just opens his mouth and makes a funny face.

I don't know where he gets it.

Life is just better when you are a goofball, right Liam?  Lesson well learned.